Thanksgiving

       Camille, Susannah and I had Thanksgiving Dinner with Hugh's mother, brother and sister-in-law.  One of the stories we told was about Hugh taking Susannah to school every morning.  Hugh always took Susannah to school and he loved to walk her into her classroom each day.  Other parents simply let their children out in the carpool line, but Hugh always parked his car and walked Susannah all the way to the classroom.  The teachers began to encourage Hugh to let Susannah out in the carpool lane and let her walk to her classroom by herself, but Hugh kept on doing what he liked to do.  So the teachers came to me and gently suggested that Susannah was old enough to walk in by herself and perhaps Hugh should just drop her off in the carpool lane.  But Hugh continued to walk Susannah to her classroom.  The principal firmly suggested that Hugh should just drop Susannah off in the mornings, but Hugh kept doing what he wanted to do.  Hugh loved that time with Susannah and he loved seeing the other kids.  He didn't stop walking her to class until she started the 4th grade.  Looking back, I am glad that he didn't listen to teachers or principals or parenting books or me, and that he took that time to be with Susannah for a few extra minutes each day. 

Unexpected Gifts

“I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.”

― Mary Oliver

     There are unexpected gifts that come from the willing and obedient experience of grief.  Fully experiencing grief, taking down the soul's interior walls and letting grief and all its attendant emotions flood your whole being, stretches you from the inside out.  As the grief subsides, and other emotions arise again, the capacity to experience those emotions is greater.  You laugh a little louder and more spontaneously.  You love easier and deeper. There comes a profound gratitude for all life has to offer. You are broken open to the world.

Give thanks always to God the Father for all things, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Ephesians 5:20

Untethered

       Some days I feel unmoored, untethered from the earth as though I might simply float into the atmosphere as helpless as a spacewalker cut off from his ship, unable to propel myself back to the safe embrace of gravity, the anchor of his solid presence instead a forceless void that can no longer hold me securely in place.  This feeling is true.  I am untethered.  The gravitational pull of Hugh's presence no longer acts on me.  We were like twin stars holding each other in place, providing a center for each other, for our family.  I alone am the center now.  Can the center hold?